While thinking about threads, I noticed a line of stray hair that started at my forehead and moved down across my eye with shadows that went all the way down to my jaw. I have not drawn a self portrait in a very long time and it felt good to draw realistically..so good, in fact..that I started drawing automatically on top of it. At first I was thinking "shucks, I wanted to just have a drawing of my face" but I decided not to be attached to what I was doing and go with the flow.
Once again I spoke with my husband afterwards and told him I did this drawing but wasn't exactly sure what to make of it..I asked him if he ever draws automatically and if he ever felt the same way..What he said stuck in my mind. He said something along the lines of "I don't have enough free time to draw and when I draw I don't feel free".
After he said that, I felt gratitude. I felt positive. Because I remembered when it was hard for me to just sit and draw too. (Actually, it still is, but in a different way) It took me a while to loosen up enough to just start something and see where it goes. When I went to my studio before my daughter was born, I made it a practice to spend the first 20 minutes scribbling whatever came to me, just to get my arm moving and into a flow. Now (and maybe this is because I have less time on my hands, which is what my husband was referring to since we have both become parents) the practice of "just doing it" has become easier and easier. For the most part, I do feel free to draw and I look at the drawings as a way to free myself without always knowing what I am freeing myself of or with.
I trust that eventually the threads of my work will come together while I experience my own matrilineal journey. Thank you Rhoda Rosenberg for the inspiration from your family threads.